Numbers Game

Last night was December 23rd. Exactly one day before Santa and the Reindeer storm the chimneys around the world much like the Allies did on the beaches of Normandy (minus the loss of life).

The reason why last night was significant, was that I set up a date for drinks at a lounge downtown. The gentleman that I was meeting up with, was introduced to me by friends a number of years ago (when I wasn't single) and I had recently reconnected with him. In describing him to my gf's he was classified as the 'non starter'. Meaning, we had formulated a number of different engagements, but scheduling on either side jumbled up the plans and we simply were not able to connect.

At the time, I was excited with regards to making a Friday night drink date, but then when I was putting it into my calendar I realized how close to Christmas this was going to be. And this got me thinking.

In order to be successful in dating, it boils down to meeting as many people of the opposite sex as possible as to increase the law of averages or your odds so to speak. This may mean broadening your scope to include things that would have counted a potential mate out previously (ie: he has kids, has been married before or both!).

Through talking with friends this week, a number of them agreed on a few points:

- join an organized group activity to meet new people. Having done this before when I started going to yoga, the idea behind this is to ensure that you have something in common to talk to the person about if you 'randomly' run into them outside of the organized setting. Being mindful that you should ensure that this organized group encourages talking amongst its participants.

- current and historical statistics indicate that if you meet a potential mate through friends, you are 80% more likely to marry that person. We have all heard stories about people meeting through a mutual friend, and during the wedding reception they thank that individual for throwing the party ect ect. But this could have a negative impact as well: what if you do not have that many friends you would trust to set you up? And then what happens when you burn through all of the recommendations from your friends?

- Christmas is actually one of the perfect times to start dating someone new. So long as you do not have expectations of uber romance. The reason for this, is that this time of year is stressful. Seriously stressful. Both at work and at home for a large majority of people. I for one would really like to see how someone handles their life stresses, and this would allow me to do so. For guys, this also allows them to see the will power of the female they are interested in...meaning does she stick to her low carb diet during the holidays.

- for your first and/or subsequent second date, ensure that it is something interactive to encourage communication flow. This will verify if you have something in common with the other person. It also helps to weed out the less than stellar options fairly quickly. I have come to learn that when a guy tells me "I am not looking to score, and that I am a nice guy that can let things happen...", that is my cue to run for the the highest hill and dig in.

At the end of the day, dating is very much a numbers game. And just like in Vegas, your betting against the house. But just like Vegas, when you win, you win big.

Asking Santa

The holidays are not the best time of year for me.

When I broke it off with my ex, I had a string of lack luster holidays culminating with no gifts exchanged, no family, no friends, no merry making, no mistle toe, no tree, no decorations, no National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, no stalkings hung with care, nothing, nada, zip. I could not stand NOT celebrating the holidays anymore. I also promised myself last year that things would be different.

Remarkably, I am still facing the same type of Christmas this year, just single. I would liken this as if I was looking down the loaded barrels of a double gauge shot gun.  And I am kicking myself for allowing this to happen for the 5th season in a row.

I have had offers of movie watching, holiday shopping, being someones very last minute date to their company Christmas Party, going to yoga, coffee, ect from friends that do not want me to be alone leading up to the holidays. I sincerely appreciated all of these gestures. I have even had a friend offer to make me home made egg nog, the kind with brandy opposed to rum. "Can't drink too much of it now, not only will it knock you on your as*, but the brandy will put you to sleep" "ummm, why would I want either to happen?"  "cause you'll be too drunk and tired to tie the noose!"

I am slightly concerned that some of my friends think that I might actually teeter over the edge before the holidays hit...the days leading up to it are fine for me. Its when everyone else is occupied with activities that have loved ones and family on that singular day that I hate being both alone and that 'orphan' friend that everyone feels the need to have at their celebrations. I do not know what I find more embarrassing, sitting at home doing nothing, or hitching myself to someone elses family for the day.

In having a conversation with a close friend today, the topic of hope came up a few times. My friend beat around the bush and then outright asked if I was loosing hope. I mentioned that I had most definitely toyed with the idea. Being a single girl during the holidays, its tough. If you are not already paired up with someone, its one of the most awkward time of year to try to start something new. There is so much pressure involved I find.

About mid conversation with this friend I started to cry. For those that know me, this is something that I have never found useful and it is something that I rarely do.

I had started to cry when thinking about what I would ask Santa for this year. My response was this: one hour of time with the person I am supposed to end up with. I could meet them, hug them, talk with them. With that one hour of time, I could see for myself that I am working towards something. That I will end up with the person of my dreams in the end. That one hour of time would give me the hope to survive however long it takes being single, to be reunited with that person. I could buckle down and weather the storm so to speak.

I know that this would be a Christmas miracle, and more than likely won't happen. But then again, Santa does delivery toys to all children around the world in one night...so may be. 

1-800- I'm-Sick

Being single most definitely has its perks. I can go out with friends and the only person(ish) that will be mad at me for coming home late will be Mr Ari Gold, which isn't so bad, because his love can be won back by a simple ear scratch. I can txt my girlfriends late into the night. I can dress up or bum around in my pjs, and not have to worry about impressing anyone other than myself.

There are those few times, when I can say with honesty, that being single sucks. Like when an invitation arrives in the mail for a friends wedding, and it says "so and so, plus guest". I always feel obligated to bring said guest, just so I do not feel left out. It sucks when your the odd person out in a couples dinner party. And with the holidays coming up, people are starting to question as to whether or not I have plans with family, and the 'orphan' invites for the holidays are starting to come in (not that I really mind about these invites, a girls gotta eat!).

The last few days I have been in denial about being sick though. Upon waking this morning with a head that felt like wet cotton, and a nose that was starting to run, and a voice that really wasn't there, I resigned myself to the simple fact, that I am sick. And being single is nothing short of a ruckus when your sick.

For me, this is a nightmare. Mainly because I turn into the biggest girl this planet has ever seen, when sick. I have this overwhelming urge to be indulged. Now, please do not confuse this urge with being "whiny". I am certainly not that, even in this present state. I just would really like chicken soup, decently scripted things on tv, a dog walker for Mr Ari, someone to do my laundry without fear they will shrink it all, and a designated cuddler. Nothing of which is over the top.

I really think that there should be a 1-800 number for singles in times of crisis. "Need a date for a wedding? Press 1. Feeling under the weather? Press 2. Need a guy to a complete a 'honey-do' list around the house? Press 3. For all of the above, press 4" and so on.

If the federal government could come up with a social program for singles, like the one above, I could easily get behind it. In the mean time, I am going to drag my flannel covered derriere, out in zero degree weather (which feels like minus 40), and drive my addled brain over to the closest Tim Horton's to get myself chicken soup.

Same City Dating

Holy man, it has been a while for my musings...people have been asking where the blog has disappeared to, and frankly I do not have a reasonable answer. I could say that it was because of a "lack of dating" on my part, but that is not entirely honest.

I was dating. And breaking a guideline I set for myself at the same time. I tried another long distance relationship. For the better part of August, September, October and a little bit of this month, I was off the market. And I had never felt so manic in my life as during that time frame.

Pulled in two directions: 1) being that the guy I was dating treated me like nothing else, I had no worries when he was around. I felt safe, loved and cherished. 2) he was never around, due to his residing just outside of Toronto, so I may of had those feelings described above, but they didn't occur all that often.

I mused with various friends on the pros and cons of dating this guy for weeks, and then decided that it would be a good idea to jump in with both feet anyway. *Insert roller coaster ride starting now*

Just after Thanksgiving, I gave up in a sense. I just couldn't bring myself to carry on with something that I knew wasn't working on my end - I just did not know how to say it. *insert alcohol consumption, an email and a long distance phone call here* Turns out that he kinda felt the same, and we parted ways.

DEEP BREATHS and sighs of relief.

So now that I am "out and about" once more, I am strictly keeping my focus on my own backyard so to speak. Meaning, same city dating. An amazing concept I know!

I am currently enthralled with the idea of calling someone up and saying "Hey, the movie we were talking about is playing tonight at 9, wanna go?" and "sure I'll pop over after work for dinner and movie watching"

My definition of "normal" has now changed. No longer will I plan weeks in advance on when I will see the person next, or have to budget strictly so I could fly half way across the country to see them, or even be stingy with my vacation time so I have time to spend with him when hes in town.

Normal now means that at the end of the day, I have to face a fear of really letting a person in to my life fully - instead of bits and pieces (which is easy to do when they do not live here!).

Holy man, this is going to be fun!

Respect the Grease

Growing up, my family did not have a lot to call their own. Needless to say, I learned quickly about the value of money. It was also drilled into me the value of a hard days work. My father always commented on how that "little bit of extra elbow grease can go a long way". Two lessons I have never forgotten about.

This last year and a half, that little bit of extra elbow grease has become key in my every day survival.

Its helped me endure my first ever 16 week marathon training course...and also saw me pull through the race its self. Upright and smiling at the end, and literally begging for more races. I am not a natural runner, this is something that over the last 3 years, I have had to work at each and every time I laced up my sneakers. I have had bad, bad runs, and I have had runs where afterwards I have a surreal feeling for hours or days.

I changed career paths, from one that saw me have a sizable yearly salary, benefits and vacation pay to one that was quite literally if you don't work, then you do not get paid type of deal. By putting in that little bit of extra elbow grease, I am now back in a salary position within the new career path, with benefits, sick days and vacation. I worked my tail off almost 7 days a week, for months, to get to this point.

And I had the privilege of being picked for the first ever pro dance team for a major sporting team in town. I hadn't a lick of dance experience prior to joining the team. During practices, because I did not understand the lingo they were using I felt lost. I practiced on the sidelines, away from the main group, for more than half the season. I left practices in tears also for more than half the season. Not because the people were unfriendly, quite the opposite. I was frustrated with myself for not being able to pick up the routines as quickly as I wanted to. In the end, with persistence, I made it through to the end of the year, and rejoined the team this year.

These three aspects of my life are huge. I have had to work extremely hard at each of them. I am not a natural runner, teacher or dancer. But I gave it that little bit of extra elbow grease in all three areas, and was able to come out on top, upright and smiling.

Because I have had to work so hard at each of these things, I tend to take things "slightly" personally when someone voices their opinion of my abilities in these areas. I fully realize that I am not a fast runner by any means, Boston isn't even an option for me at this time. Having to work every weekend for months, yes, sucks, but it paid out in the end. And yes, I get to pay for a ring to commemorate my being on the dance team, silly? may be, but I earned it.

Now please do not get me wrong, people that are naturally talented amaze me to no end. I love watching naturally talented runners, teachers and dancers...or people that are naturally talented in other areas, like Anderson Silva and other MMA fighters as an example.

But there comes a time when a naturally talented person, loses their luster in my eyes, when cockiness gets in the way. Just because your good at something, doesn't mean that you are to be held in a higher regard than everyone else. As far as I am concerned, you just canceled out your natural talent when you started acting like "the bomb".

I tend to give more credit to those who have had to put in that little bit of extra elbow grease over those that are naturally talented. Personal bias? Oh heck yes. Natural talent is too often squandered. When elbow grease comes into play, it is because that person really wants what they are working towards. They tend to be more invested or passionate about it.

In the end, you cannot deny someone respect that is due, when grease comes into play.

The Lingo Part 55

Phew! Its been 8 months of singledom, and man oh man, the new lingo I am picking up never seems to cease. This also appears to be one of the more popular topics that I write about, so here are some new dating/single/seeing/relationship terms for y'all!

1. The Stand Up Guy: according to Urban Dictionary (woot woot! new fav website!), this is a Mafia term (something that is akin to my blood) that refers to a businessman that is not one to bullshit, can be trusted and will do anything for his family. This type of guy when on the dating hunt, is very very elusive. Only coming out in the daylight when all of us gals are at work. This guy is the one that we all wish we were dating, because we know that he won't downgrade our dates or stand us up, that he will return calls and txts promptly, that he wont go out and get smashed the night before meeting our parents for brunch, he holds down continuous employment, can dress himself, knows how to act accordingly in a group setting and has overall incredible hygiene. This is a much like a unicorn, but if you take a close look at your guy friend roster, you more than likely have a few hiding out.

2. The Year of Trampage: this is a year free of judgement for a lady or gentleman (then refered to the Year of Manwhore), where a person is permitted to do whomever, where ever, when ever. In order to qualify for the Year of Trampage/Manwhore one must have broken up from a significant relationship recently, and by significant, we are talking 3 years plus. If under the 3 year requirement, the year can then be reduced to 6 months for 2 years and 3 months for 1 year and so on. Friends of either a man or woman that is participating in this Year, must remember that this is a no judgement year, so close your eyes, plug your ears and smile!

3. The Downgraded Date: this is my new favorite term by far. Boy asks girl (all scenarios can easily be switched around), on a date on a Sunday. Girl accepts. Girl confirms date is still a go on Thursday. Boy then "magically" remembers a friends birthday party for the time of the date planned. Boy offers to cancel, but expresses that he still really wants to see the Girl, so "how about the afternoon instead?". Do not be confused, this IS the proverbial slap in the face. Through use of non verbal communication, Boy has then told Girl that "she is not a priority over and above drinking with buddies and therefore should not waste her time with me". Ladies, move on. This is NOT a stand up guy. Now, as an exception to most things, life does come into play, such as a death, car accident ect. But should be treated on a case by case basis. Tread lightly.

4. The Stand Up: this is a tactic employed by both guys and gals who do not wish to participate in a date, and is generally used in place of being a real person and calling/txting to cancel. People who engage this strategy are usually cowards, or cocky POS's, that honestly think that the person they made plans with is of a lower class/status than they are. What they are forgetting is that its the other way around. In chatting with a number of my guy friends, not one of them has ever stood a girl up. They have at least done their best to use any form of communication to cancel or reschedule the date. Ladies and gents, it takes 2 seconds to send a txt, don't be a namby pamby.

5. The Pimp Bench: this is a post break up or Year of Trampage/Manwhore, rotation of the opposite sex that you can have a good time with, cause they are super chill. You cycle these people on and off the bench to keep things markedly superficial. This also assist in avoiding the "rebound".

Even though I realized not too long ago that I am much better at being in a relationship than out of one, I am feeling way more at ease with dating this time around. I credit this to figuring out the lingo.

Life is Short

Yesterday, everyone around the country learned that Jack Layton died at home, surrounded by loved ones. He was unsuccessful in his battle with cancer.

When he announced this summer that he was taking a leave of absence for cancer treatment, I like many many others around the country fully believed that he would be back as promised for the fall sitting of Parliament. Hes a fighter. He has tenacity. Strength. And he beat cancer once before. No big deal.

Before learning of his death I was mulling over a number of decisions regarding my single life. Now, politics and love do not go hand in hand usually, but I am going somewhere with this, so bear with me.

I was honestly ready to throw in the towel, to say "screw you love!" and was thinking that may be I was meant to be single for the rest of my life and have very torrid love affairs instead. I was thinking that may be there isn't one person for each of us. That there isn't such thing as a soul mate. Heck, I even went so far as to name my closest besties as my soul mates to help alleviate pressure off of myself in finding that "special someone".

A lot of these feelings had been brought upon by a couple of things.

First, one of my best guys friends has been super down in the dumps for the better part of the last year, may be more. It seriously kills me when I see him like this. He has a sadness about him that is palatable. He loved his ex with a passion that I could only hope to attain one day. And now he is a shell of himself. Not happy with home, work or life really in general. He is generally one of the most optimistic people I know, always happy, excited about life, smiled easily and was so willing to share himself in hopes of finding that special someone.

Knowing him like I do, I thought to myself, if someone that had such zest for love could become embittered towards it, what hope do I have in the grand scheme of things?

The other thing was trying to determine what I really wanted out of love and how much I wanted to give of myself. In the last few months, I have been accused of "being too busy" or "working too much" or "lacking the ability to acknowledge emotional responses from people" ... its hard for me to explain that the reason I do this, is because its a habit. Not because I like it. Its plain and simply a habit. One that was formed out of necessity of not having things to go home to at night, so keep busy and by the time you do get home, its time for bed! Call it avoidance or a defense mechanism, whatever. Habits are hard to break and frankly, I have no idea what I would do with the time on hand otherwise.

And then, Jack Layton died.

I read his letter to Canadians in full. And the ending of the letter, as for most people, brought tears to my eyes. I certainly did not agree with the man's politics, but I do fully agree with his last words:

"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world"

I readily admit that I was angry, fearful and was on my way to being in despair. But life is short. Too short. I no longer have time to be angry, fearful or even think of despair. It's time to stop dipping my big toe in the water to test the temperature. It's time to just jump right in with both feet, cause hey! that's optimism right? Thanks Jack.

A vs. D

"What do you do when your seeing/dating a guy, and he is busy with work and other stuff for a lot of the time, you know your not seeing/dating anyone else and neither is he, but you know for a fact that he is not giving you his 'A' game? You know that your getting something equivalent to the 'D' Game."

This was one of my besties burning question tonight at dinner with the girls.

The A Game: this is when a guy pulls out all the stops. He calls, he texts, both of which could be late into the night, he bends over backwards to see you which can include flying across the country as an example. And if he even gets a whiff of competition, he blows them out of the water with amazing accuracy. This is something that a guy gives, when he really really likes a girl and wants to be with her. She is the only object of his attention, and he lets her know it explicitly.

The D Game: this is obviously a few levels below the A Game. Sometimes a guy can start out with the A Game, and then downgrade to a D (this is known as the Bait and Switch) depending on the time of year, the seasons, work, friends, other commitments, overall mood of the guy and how much effort he wants to put into things.

My response to my friend was pretty simple: "How long do you wanna wait around to see if circumstances change, and hope that he upgrades his game to an A? And is there a guarantee that this will happen?" The other girls concurred. My friend nodded her head, pushed around her food a bit more, and then said she had some things to think about with regards to this guy.

Over the last 8 months I have come to realize a few things. Each woman is precious. Yes, even the crazy ones. Each one deserves an A Game at least once in their life. They deserve to be treated like a princess, and have a guy sweep them off their feet and carry them off into the sunset and be happy, for at least a little while.

As much of a realist that I am, even I to a very very small degree, want this. I would love to have the feeling of being the only object of someones attention. To be made to feel special, unique, cherished.

Not being in my friends situation, I can easily become an arm chair coach to her relationship. When I was faced with the same circumstances last year, I waited around, and the A Game never made an appearance, in fact the game downgraded to worse than a G.

But that was in that one situation. And now having seen levels of the game lower than an A, I know that I refuse to settle for anything less. So fellas, word of warning: buckle up and get your gloves ready, cause I only want to see your A Game.

Tasted Like White Cake

Being on the same page as others I am finding out is fairly important...not only in the grand scheme of things, but even on a day to day basis. If your not, then miscommunication of sometimes fabled proportions can happen. Which is tragic, but entirely avoidable.

I need to be on the same page as my boss in order to perform my job duties effectively.

I need to be on the same page as Mr. Ari, so that the puppy hugs never cease.

I need to be on the same page as my banker...because apparently if Victoria Secret happens to have a sale on 2 weekends in a row, I still "should" eat in between those 2 weekends.

I need to be on the same page as my friends, cause they are my soul mates and I really don't want the universe to reach out and slap me. And because they are also my chosen family, which is significant in it's self.

I need to be on the same page with my trainers and my body...I have over an hour to shave off my last marathon race time, and I need to complete the training without becoming injured.

I need to be on the same page with the contractors who are fixing (or supposed to be) my house...I could really use my closet space back as soon as possible, cause everything is everywhere!

At the end of the day, when all is said and done, I need to be on the same page as myself. Sounds strange, I know. But with everything happening in my life of late, I feel as if a whirling dervish has blown in, and not left.

I am starting to get the hang of it now though. Finding that balance has been key...and I have to tell you, once I realized that I was starting to be on the same page as myself, it tasted like white cake.

The Runners Hug

I run. I never intended on running. I at no time ever thought that I would classify myself as a runner. I really didn't like it when I started, and I liked it even less for the first year I was in it.

I started running as a result of being called "fat" the first time I met my ex's sister. Being called fat is one thing, but when the person doing the name calling has never spoken to you or seen you before, this was a pretty crushing blow to not only my ego, but my own self respect and esteem. She also had (and more than likely still has) some choice other names for me already picked out, but that's another story.

I signed myself up for the Learn to Run Women's Only 5km clinic at the Namao Centre Running Room...and finished the 10 week course and participated in my first race on St Patrick's day. I was on tap to finish in under 35 minutes (a incredibly respectable time for your first race), and then I slipped and fell on the ice. I hobbled back in with a time of 41 minutes. My ex patted me on the shoulder and said that I would do better next time, and that I should watch out for better footing too. Saying that I was even more deflated at this point is an understatement.

Fast forward a year and a half, and I was training for my very first half marathon, on my own. I was still with the Running Room, and training other ladies on how to run their first 5km race. I was training through injuries, because I seriously had no idea what I was doing...and I certainly had no clue about nutrition during the run either.

Cue up race day: I had a few acquaintances that I ran into at the race. All of them gave me a hug, including my boss (who I had known about 3 weeks at that point). My ex was missing in action. I think he volunteered for duty or something, I cannot quite recall, but again, I was seriously deflated. I was nervous, injured and I was thinking that I was crazy for trying to do this on my own.

My injuries got the best of me just a little over the 3/4 mark during the race and I had to walk the rest of the way in...I tried my best to increase my speed up to a hobble, but the pain in my leg was unthinkable. I did my best when crossing the finish line, and after getting my medal I turned to my right and there were all the acquaintances from the Running Room lined up against the fence, waving and cheering. One of the ladies called me over, wanting to give me a hug, I said that I would walk around the fence...giving me the mom tone she said "No right here, right now".

To this day, I have not had a more amazing hug. I cannot explain what it felt like to have someone at the finish line, regardless of the fact if they knew you well or not, know that you gave it your best and hugged it out with you at the end. Writing this now, I am honestly starting to get choked up a little bit.

Fast forward another year. I have finished 1 full marathon, and 3 more half marathons since that hug. At all of them, there was someone I either knew, or sorta knew that gave me a hug at the end of the race. Each hug held a different meaning. Each one special in their own right.

I have 2 more races coming up this year.

One in Edmonton, a half marathon, and this one I am hoping to convince a few friends to come out to watch me cross the finish line. And the other is a full marathon in Savannah GA. This race, I am having a hard time getting into the mindset of it, and its mainly because I am going by myself, with no guarantee of a hug. And this scares the crap right out of me. It scared me so much that I got seriously turned around in the River Valley tonight on what was supposed to be a 10km run, which turned into a 16km run instead. The river valley runs East/West, getting turned around in it is kinda hard lol. Please refer to my post on "Moments of Greatness" cause this mos def qualifies.

But in all seriousness, the hug IS THE KEY to my training, how is one supposed to mentally prepare for the absence of it?

The Younger Guy

*please keep in mind that research for this particular blog happened back in early May*

Since becoming single again, I have contemplated what kind of new guy that I wanted to date...most definitely had to be taller than me in heels, even if its just by a little bit, hair and eye color really do not matter that much, had to have the general personality traits that all ladies love (basically, don't be a a-hole and your golden), employed and so on and so on...but then age came into play.

When describing what I was kinda hoping to find in a new guy to one of my besties JA before yoga one night, she was totally like "I have the perfect guy for you - but he's younger" my response was "By how much" "3-7 years younger" ...I dang near choked on my water. But it really got me thinking, guys date women (if you can call them that sometimes) that are light years younger than them all the time, would it be so wrong if a woman dated a younger guy?

Opinions were completely split down the middle. I was altogether shocked when I found out that one of my very successful couple friends were in that exact situation...she is more than 4 years older than her husband. Another successful couple I know are getting married in February next year...shes older and he is younger.

Some of the ladies I talked to equated dating a younger guy to training a puppy...its all fun and games, till it chews on you new shoes or pees on the floor...but the theme with that was that they were "trainable"...I have a dog thanks, I do not need nor want to train a man, they should already come out of the box with all the training required. Any maintenance or troubleshooting tips should be included in the manual. nuff said.

When talking with two other friends, one commented on how younger guys can be incredibly mature for their age and how they are "always ready to go" (hint hint, wink wink)...to which the other one responded in saying "Everyone's mature till you see them first thing on a Saturday morning"...lets just say that peels of laughter ensued. And the topic was kind of lost on me after that, until recently.

I went out with the girls on Friday night, and then linked up half way through the night with one of my really close guy friends CZ...he was out with all of his friends, and being able to "be one of the boys" is something I know best, so I fit right in. In talking with all of the guys during the course of the rest of the night, the oldest one there was 24. Twenty effing four. Thats the age of my youngest brother. FML.

In talking with CZ the next afternoon, he commented on how the "guys took a shine to me" ... "great, I love how they can take a shine to a 30 year old" and after I said it, he got kinda mad at me... "its not like you look your age, so effing relax, if a guy likes you it shouldn't matter their age, take it as a compliment and go about your day with a smile". Lets just say that CZ can cut through any BS I put up fairly quickly on any topic. Its his gift.

I have never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth...but should age matter? Really?

The Uniform *le sigh*

Yesterday I happened to have found myself outside my normal living environment (aka Downtown) and somewhere surreal (North Side Suburbia). I was checking on my brothers condo, and running a few weird errands while I was up there...at which point I discovered a car wash, outside a Canadian Tire, being run solely by firefighters. They were completely clothed...big old fire pants complete with red suspenders, boots, and what appeared to be a tight fitting blue t shirt (mind you with those pants, and t shirt would appear tight fitting regardless).

I instantly threw this up on my FB, announcing the location and that I should leave downtown more often, cause honestly, suburbia looked dang hawt yesterday because of this. A number of girl friends commented on how this deserved either a phone call or txt letting them know this information lol. Or about how sorry they were to have missed it.

Today I started to wonder: What is it about the uniform that makes women's ovaries kick into high gear? Really?

The majority of responses that I got back from ladies revolved around the uniform being a figure of authority, which I will address in a moment...but one of the best responses came from my friend LG, who said: "Visible proof of employment" lol. The guys I spoke with were just as confounded as I was for the most part.

Okay...so the authority figure...hmmm...usually implies a Type A personality, more principled, loyal, devoted, a certain work ethic, usually associated with a job of service = less selfish interests, they have their shit together and can take charge. Sounds like things that I can handle, as most women.

But in talking with a number of people, I quickly realized that there is a hierarchy to this uniform business, along with appropriate tag lines for each one:

1. Police - they carry around a gun, so they must know how to handle their weapons.

2. Firefighters - they can put out my blaze any day

3. Paramedics - I'd let him give me mouth to mouth, mmmm hmmm.

4. Doctors - there are too many tag lines with this one to count...think anatomy and go from there lol.

5. Military - heros plain and simple...plus, if your dating or married to one, you instantly become whats known as "the home front" and the "strength behind the uniform"...thank you public relations department of DND. (please understand that its not that I disagree with either of these, it just adds romance to a job that really isnt all that romantic).

There are a few other uniforms that ladies may find attractive, and they include but are not limited to: cowboys, constructions workers, delivery guys (UPS not Pizza 73), nurses, dentist and pro sports players.

I grew up around uniforms, so this really shouldn't affect me all that much, and yet I am a sucker for it just like most ladies. In fact, I find it exceedingly hard to NOT date a guy in uniform.

It boils down to this: uniforms = magic.

Ladies, we will continue to be attracted, excited, fascinated, charmed and glamored by this until we actually date one of these guys wearing a uniform...after that, we may still feel the magic, or see it for what its worth - something they wear to work!

I Know What's Happening...But Do YOU?

I started my musings in full force today...and the thought that kept running through my head, was when you know the relationship is not going to work out - how does one end it?

I thought about my past breakups, and then I started talking to people. And I got some seriously funny and not so funny responses from both my guy friends and girl friends. Below are some of the funny responses on how people have been broken up with, or have done the breaking up:

1. Phone Call: this may or may not include fake crying from either party, slightly impersonal, but at least you can hear the tone of voice/emotion from the other party while they are doing it.

2. Over Dinner: this one is waaaay more tricky than people give it credit for. The idea is to break up with someone, in person, but in a public setting so that a scene apparently cannot be made. This can go either way. But in the end the person that is being broken up with, is still left feeling humiliated, but this time in public rather than private.

3. A Post It Note: thank you Sex and the City Season 5 for this one! Aside from this particular show, I have not encountered it being done in real life, but this was a popular response from the ladies on how NOT to do it. lol.

4. Text: this method is fast becoming more and more socially acceptable. Especially when you have only been on a few dates with the person, or have been in the "talking" phase and something has been done or said that has irked one party into not wanting to see the other. This is also used as a reminder that the breakup has already taken place, when one party is in denial of the situation.

5. The FB Relationship Status Change: again, this is becoming more and more socially acceptable. Each sides friends/family (all depends on who you have on your friends listing) is made aware of the change with a simple mouse click and it automatically populates news feed. If one person is not aware that the other side is even leaning towards this course of action, it can be shocking, especially if they haven't checked FB for a while and a random friend calls to console them.

6. The "Fade Away": this one is really really popular for when you are just starting to "see" a person, and you figured out fairly quickly that it is not in your best interests to keep it going. Slowly phone calls are phased out (if you even reached that stage), txts and emails also start to slow down and then subsequently stop altogether. This can be done over a longer period of time, or abruptly. Depends on the person doing the "fade away".

With each of the above, it sucks for the person on the receiving end. It does help to obtain closure though...so I do not recommend the "Fade Away", nothing beats, down and dirty, telling the person straight out whats happening.

Cause I don't know about you, but I would much rather have someone be honest with me, than have me come home and confronted with the other person not only having sex with someone else, but then realizing, that someone else is wearing my shoes!

Does a Week Make a Difference?

I have been super lax in my writings of late...but then I have also been super lax in my musings of late too.

But have you ever heard the saying "What a Difference a Week Makes"? or "Give it a week, it will sort its self out"? Usually the people that have been saying either of these phrases to me, are older, like grandmother older. The oddest part, is that I am starting to see the value in the sayings.

Since camping, a week has made a HUGE difference in my life. It has allowed me to refocus and de-clutter crap from my head...which has made it a little more lonely up there, but hey! its at least organized.

Since the end of May, early June it has felt as if I was wearing rose colored glasses...in under a week, I was able to see again with such clarity and crispness, that I feel as if I am looking through a rifle scope.

Basically it boils down to the fact that I feel as if in under a week, I was able to reclaim myself, my identity, my goals and more importantly my laughter. In under a week I realized that I shouldn't compromise myself for anything or anyone. In under a week, I have my zest and moxie for life back, and frankly, I know that it will not be going anywhere anytime soon.

If someone who really didn't buy into the sayings before, can realize this, what do you think you could realize in under a week?

Another Way? Really? Who'd Think That?

The last few days I have been at a loss as to what to write...its not that I have writers block by any means, I had just been experiencing difficulty getting my thoughts in order and into the written word...okay, thats writers block. lol.

I have come to realize in this time frame that I have been very stuck in my ways. VERY stuck in my ways when doing things - everything that requires detailed planning right down to little things, like how I like to put my asparagus on tin foil when using the BBQ or a camp fire to cook it.

I have become so used to having to take charge, that I have failed to see that there are people around me that can take charge and get the job done too. May be using a different method, but still the job gets done.

In talking with a number of close friends lately, the message is the same. Chill out. Enjoy what comes and realize that I can count on someone.

May be that's the key here: being able to count on someone. I am not referring entirely to welder mouse, but more so the friends that I have around me. All very capable people, all with different life experiences, all different backgrounds. All different ways of getting things done.

So I am taking the sound advice...I am going to take a deep breath, and let it all happen. Regardless if it gets done my way or not. It is going to be hard, but I honestly think that it will be more fun and less stressful.

PS. I totally survived camping...and I kinda liked it!

Moments of Greatness

If you have red hair, people expect you to have a certain type of energy, especially when it comes to the temper department...brunettes really do get the short end of the stick in my mind. Expected to be fairly smart, reasonable/realistic, logical, practical, sometimes called mousey, respectful, grounded ect, ect, ect. But when your a blond, people really do not expect a lot out of you. They expect you to be Barbie-ish, flippant, unintelligent, halfwitted, scatterbrained, insane (look out for the crazy blond!), great arm candy (don't worry hunny, at least your pretty!) and so on and so on.

I am a natural blond, really. I do add highlights to get it to the color it is now, but seriously I am a natural blond (dirty blond some may call the color). As a blond I really do have more fun. Mostly with being able to pull off what I like to refer to as "Moments of Greatness"...things that other hair colors would face the Spanish Inquisition for. One such event happened yesterday when I was teaching my weekend 3 day class.

I teach First Aid...and as such I have to be able to not only stand for long periods of time lecturing, but also be able to deal with the up and down motions of getting to the practical area, and demonstrating. A number of months ago I determined that it would be in my best interests to invest in jeggings. These pants would give me the look of jeans, but with the fluidity of LuLu pants.

Yesterday, as I was bending down to inspect knots my students did while splinting a simulated lower leg fracture, a Moment of Greatness seized me...the crotch of my beloved jeggings blew right out. POOF! Yes, it totally did make that sound. I froze, complete with a deer in the head lights look plastered all over my face. My coo-ca was now free for the world to see, tenuously covered in the brand new VS undies I had gotten on sale the day before (thanks AD for the heads up on the sale btw). The students started to howl in laughter, and one of them went so far as to start cracking fat jokes. Seriously? FML.

When the students were writing their quiz at the end of the day, I was sitting at the instructors table, thinking: Was this really the worst moment of greatness that I had managed to accomplish? The answer was a big fat NO.

So here are a few of my favorite Moments of Greatness that I have achieved to date:

- getting hit by the Prime Ministers black SUV. Yep. Totally happened. I was in Ottawa a number of years ago working with the NAIT Students Association and I was there to lobby MP's, Senators and staffers alike on Apprenticeship Student Issues. I was touring parliamentary grounds, specifically the library. I looked at my watch, realized that I was going to be late for a meeting, I did not have my briefing notes with me and would have to go back to the hotel and rush back. This lead me to ask the tour guide for the quickest way out, which was out the backside of the library. I was running, in heels, not paying attention, but on the sidewalk and WHAM! The front passenger door swings open, out pops this huge body guard, and I am flat on my ass, winded. Stephen Harper climbs out of the back passenger side, waves and walks into the back library door that I had just ran out of. No one helped me up, it was super fantastic. Especially when I had a meeting with PMO staffers the next day and was recognized.

- walking into walls on more than one occasion. I was on the phone with my younger brother and putzing around my condo a few years back...not paying attention again, and thud! walked right into the end of the hallway wall. Funny thing about this? My brother commented on how I should be looking where I am going when walking around...this must happen to me TOO often, cause remember, I was on the phone with him.

- having an ex bf that is now a city cop, pull you over for speeding. This is mortifying enough, also a technical conflict of interest (I personally love this loop hole!), but the best part of this, I was half naked. Late for a date, I decided that stripping down in the car while driving would be in my best interest. I even had to change into a strapless bra, which is what I was doing when the lights came on in the rear view. "Hi Sean, how are you? Uniform looks great btw" "Do I want to know?" "Probably not...but how much over was I?" "10km. Where were you headed?" "Sweet, not as much as I thought then. Umm...date night?" ticket book flips shut "Finish getting dressed. Don't speed. Have a good night. Good Luck"

There are plenty of others: I have locked my students in a classroom before, with me in the hallway, I have been so off on my gaydar, that I have hit on gay men (note the pluralization here...this also has happened more than once) and sometimes when running, the natural gas builds up so much that when it comes out the bottom half, I sound like a machine gun when passing people (my running partner HT, laughed at this every time).

Performing moments of greatness is just apart of being human I suppose. Over the years I have learned to tough it out, roll with it and laugh. I mean, I'm a blond. I am expected to embarrass the hell out of myself on a routine basis, right?

A State of Mental Preparedness

This last Monday I officially started back at hot yoga after renewing my membership with Moksha Yoga. I was totally thrilled about it, mainly because you sweat like a mfer, but you see results in weight loss and definition fairly quickly if you challenge yourself during the class (which I do, every time I am there).

Just as I was getting ready to go into 'dancers pose' a wave of uneasiness settled in on me fairly quickly. I brushed it off, got into the pose and held it for as long as required. Shortly afterwards, we moved into floor work and during the back stretches/strengthening, this is when it hit me full force:

I start 4 months of marathon training in 2 weeks. I am in a relationship that is awesome, and I really need to acknowledge to myself that welder mouse is now my bf. I opened up Blue Box First Aid and need to ensure not only its success but longevity. And my house flooded.

At the time, I felt that I was not mentally prepared for any of it and darn near had a breakdown right then and there in the yoga studio. Thank goodness that it was already hot in there, so my face was already red, and with the sweat, the few tears that did fall went unnoticed.

One of my all time favorite quotes goes as follows: Anyone can give up, its the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.

Even though I felt overwhelmed, I had such a moment of clarity. The only thing that has really been holding me back for the last few months, as been me and my own hangups on things.

Training: Yes, training for a marathon last year was one of the toughest physical and mental things that I ever did, just to say I did it (aside from climbing Mt Sinai at 2 am). I was in amazing shape, I was calm, and more importantly, I could eat what I wanted without real concern. I just didnt drink during training. Quickly breaking things down, I realized that I was more upset about having to go dry, than having a constant blister on my pinky toes, to be physically exhausted for 16 straight weeks and to listen to angry rock music to propel me upwards during hill training. Marathon training is a bag drive, no lie, but I did it once, and darn it! I am doing it again.

The New BF: I never thought that I would be in a semi serious relationship again so soon after my ex. Especially one with such an amazingly independent person. Welder Mouse rocks, and I want to keep him. I am throwing societies ideals out the window with this one, and rolling with it as it comes.

Blue Box First Aid: I am a small business owner now. Time to keep that nose to the grindstone, find clients, work my tail off, find more clients. In between, I get to have a "life". I have heard of the concept before, but never figured that I could obtain it one day. See the section above entitled The New BF, and I am sure that one can piece this together.

My House Flooded: I rent. I have fantastic property managers that had someone over to the house to start working on the clean up and repairs before I even left yoga Monday. I could not have asked for better treatment. It has all been taken care of, so I shouldn't have worried me to begin with.

All of these things, aside from the business owning, I have done or handled before. This time I realized that I do not have to be the sole decision maker, or the one dealing with everything every minute of every day. I have people that I really can count on to help me through things. Friends and family (blood and hand picked) alike.

My state of mental preparedness is solid now. Jump in, both feet, ask questions on the way down and LIVE.

Balance or a Case of the Mondays?

When I first started writing this blog, it was meant to be a way that I could vent frustrations and express new hopes. I had exited out of a relationship that was literally just going through the motions, 4 months before my first post. My professional life was starting to really heat up and take off, and I thought to myself, why can I not have success in both areas?? I took a leap of faith.

And here we are now.

My professional life is still on track (I say this as I a cross my fingers and look to the sky with longing) and my personal one is starting to becoming attractive again, all 6 foot 3 inches of him.

The last couple of weeks have really got me thinking, and honestly mulling over things is not what I do best. I am more of a think on her feet kinda gal, weighting options thoroughly, and quickly. Having time only means I over analyze things to the umpteenth degree.

Work: I taught 2 one day classes for private companies over the last 3 weeks...thus netting me more than double what I would bust my hide to make in 4 days. Awesome!! But now that I have a taste of it, do I really want to forge ahead and make a go of it as a private instructor? Outcome: ahhh, ummmm, dang. About that, flip. No idea.

Home: My dryer hose broke a few days ago, a quick fix, I knew that I needed aluminum tape to fix it...welder mouse said it was a blue job and that he would do it. I conceded. But I still wound up fixing it. Outcome: Pink and blue jobs cross over.

Work: I got sick on Friday last week, which resulted in a mad scramble at work for people I classify as co-workers, or who auto correct makes references to as my 'cilantros'. Long story short, my 1 sick day means I do not get paid, and I lost a class on the weekend...so 1 day turned into 3 unpaid days. Outcome: 3 unpaid days and an overwhelming feeling of awkwardness when I came into work this morning.

Home: Last night the dryer hose broke right where I allegedly fixed it. Outcome: may be some pink and some blue jobs shouldn't cross after all.

Work: On Monday's, we do a re-certification class...meaning you pick up your books a head of time, study, and come the day of the class, you walk in, show me (aka the instructor) the skills, write the test, if you pass you leave and have a great week. If you don't pass, you reschedule, and I will more than likely see you show up in one of my full two day classes later that week. As one would expect, things never go so well on Mondays. Today, my class treated me with contempt and wrote as much on their reviews. Outcome: I wish I could fail people based purely on attitude.

Home: I came home today to greet the one person I knew that would give me a hug no matter how crummy their day was, and still be happy to see me...that's right, Mr Ari. But he wasn't so happy that I was home, as much as he was to be let out of his kennel. Apparently with all the rain, the sump pump in my suite must have failed, cause he was tip toeing around in his kennel that was plumb soaked with water. Outcome: When the maintenance guy gets here within the hour, I am sooo hitting him up to fix the dryer hose as well.

Looking at everything now, I can either chalk this up to a bad case of the Monday's or that in some weird way I have obtained balance in both work and professional life. 3 disagreeable things on either end, however unfortunate, still equals balance.

Things are looking up though...work: Blue Box First Aid is now open for business and home: I have camping to look forward to with welder mouse!

Team Loyalty

Sitting tonight with CC, watching Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals, with the Boston Bruins and the Vancouver Canucks all tied up at 3 game a piece, and I got to wondering: when in a relationship, which team to you cheer for?

I know couples that have been together for a long, long time and generally get along very very well. But when it comes to their individual sports teams, gloves come off and its no holes barred. And on the other side of things, I know couples that have matching unitards in "their" teams colors. So which way is the right way to go?

In talking with CC, she outlined that the success to any long term relationship (as demonstrated with her parents 20 year marriage), is that you have 2 tv's, with 2 separate connections (cable or satelite) and at least 1 independent vacation from each other per year. My grandparents kind of follow along the same lines, although, my grandmother is especially gifted in blocking out anything to do with sports...but I guess thats a hazard of living with 5 boys.

I ponder this because a small dilemma with my choice in teams for tonight's game. I started watching the game, knowing full well that I was going to be cheering for Boston...its not that I have loyalty to the team, they just played the best out of the series and thus earned my support (I've come along way...I used to cheer for teams based on cuteness of players or team colors that I liked). Welder mouse on the other hand was cheering for Vancouver, and has been since the rest of the Canadian teams were knocked out of the series.

I tried to come up with a number of different circumstances to possibly explain away whom I was cheering for if the time came. CC just laughed at me, and called me on the BS answers I was coming up with.

May be in the long run, who you cheer for as a sports team should be filed under "don't go there" along with politics and religion when in mixed company. And I totally dig the 2 tv's with separate connections idea too...that way when welder mouse wants to watch "Skating with the Stars" (cause that's what people cheering for Vancouver should be watching), I can turn on UFC.

It Comes in 3's

It has been one of those days where everything has been polished to a high shine and falls exactly into place...not once, not twice, but three times.

The old saying goes "Everything happens in 3's"

Deaths, births (usually relating to gender), marriages, engagements, anniversaries, job loss, job gain, promotions, anything good, and everything bad. In 3's, or groupings evenly divided by 3 for some strange reason.

In talking with a few people, some think that it is a mental trick of sorts, others, because our society says it happens, but most agree, it just happens.

Just after lunch today I received news about a very exciting new venture that could possibly enable me to make more, but work less and be more flexible with where I live. Around 6pm tonight, one of my besties GHB called to say that she had one of the most sensational job interviews today and was told right away that she was in the top 3 interviewed out of 15 people...the company she applied with will be hiring between 2-4 people. This job pays roughly 20k more a year and has a wicked bonus plan. Then I get a text while in a movie with another bestie from welder mouse...he was offered a job where he used to work, that would enable him to come home every night, as opposed to being away for a week and then back for a week.

3 new ventures, all relating to work, to 3 people, within 6 hours. All offers are huge moves for each of us, that would allow for more of a "life" perhaps.

Maybe, just maybe, the power of 3 is on us right now...or maybe two similar things happened within a short time space, so I went looking for a third. So is it an old wives tale, a load of hooey, some trick of the mind or could something significant be really happening? Either way, I feel so exhilarated that I am going to have trouble sleeping tonight!!

Crazy Idea or Shrewd Planning?

Camp: a place where tents, huts or other temporary shelters are set up, as by soldiers, nomads or travelers.

Campers: people who use such shelters (see camp).

This 5 foot 3 inch city mouse thought it would be a heck of an idea to go camping over the Canada Day long weekend, with a 6 foot 3 inch welder mouse. "I have an idea! I have a HUUUUGGGEEE tent that I never get to use, why don't we get out of the city for a while and go camping?" "Sure! I am always up for an adventure...where?" "Got that coin of yours? Heads equals west, tails south" "West it is!"

Not going to lie, it has been a substantial amount of time since this little gal went camping, of the traditional kind. Over the last number of years I have grown soft...camping equaled staying at a 4.5 star hotel (the .5 star means that there isn't a spa)...the idea of roughing it, still equaled a private bathroom, running water, a nice comfy bed and basic cable so I could watch commercial's (I do not have cable by choice, because there is so much online these days, why bother spending the extra money? Downside...never get to see commercial's).

I booked a campsite in Jasper, one that I used to stay at when I was younger and on family trips...its fairly close to the hot springs, and I vaguely remember having fun there. I made sure to book online, so that a refund if cancelled would be kinda difficult to obtain.

But here in lies my distress - no electronic devices allowed. The laptop I said I would bring so we could watch movies, banned. iPad too. My phone is to be turned off and kept in the vehicle (this I can totally handle). the iPod is allowed along with the docking station for some tunes, but I have to figure out a way to ensure it has power to recharge.

In talking with a few people about how I am TOTALLY excited to go on the trip, but nervous about my possible technological with drawl's and my future break down, I asked for what their take on the situation was.

A few people said if I bring enough beer, the weekend will be fantastic. Oh, and copper pipe pieces to make the fire turn colors. But the majority commented on how camping is oh so romantic and that it was a shrewd plan on my part. In having only recently reconnected to that touch feely side that I kept locked in a corner closet, I was confounded on how this could be romantic. Clarification was required at this point...my poor little head was spinning, because how could I be shrewd and romantic at the same time??

Your alone with the person. You are forced to get to know them. To spend time with them. To play cards with them for 3 hours. To wake up fresh faced, with no makeup on (unless your in a campsite that has good bathrooms). To cook with them. To sit in front of the fire and tell stories. To hike with. And its dark, with a crackling fire. A really good friend of mine told me that when her and her man are having troubles, she books a camping or hiking trip so that they are forced to deal with each other and not run away and hide from the issues. Could easily explain why her wedding later this month is in the mountains.

I have had some time to absorb all this. Process. And I am calmer about the whole thing and even MORE excited. This little city mouse, is ready to make camping her b*tch.

How Tiffany and Co Ruined Me

Its a small little sparrow blue box, tied with winter white ribbon into a smart little bow with tails hanging low, stamped on the top, and then put into a sparrow blue bag with white handles...also stamped with Tiffany and Co in black lettering.

Since 1837, Tiffany has been offering the worlds finest diamond jewelry and outstanding customer service. They stand behind their products with lifetime warranty's, they ethically source their stones, they cut the stones to maximize brilliance, they follow stricter stone standards and they have a mutha freaking payment plan.

Having been to a number of stagettes over the past few weeks, I have seen my fair share of engagement rings in this seasons styles...gold, white gold, and platinum metals, and square, round, princess and heart shaped stones. I have ooh'd and awwww'd at each one. And let me tell you, some of them were more than 3 months salary for sure.

I have always maintained that by the time I get around to becoming engaged to someone, that the person should know my style and should be able to pick out a ring that would not only be my style, but suit me too. Holy cows was I wrong! So wrong in fact I made one of my besties GHB to promise that she would take matters into her own hands if that time ever came again...meaning, take the guy ring shopping and don't let him buy me something she wasn't willing to look at for the next 50 years.

Enter the Tiffany and Co Ring Finder app, free off iTunes App Store, and this is where my ruin starts. 44 Styles. All kinds of stones and metals. It shows the actual size of the diamond, and you can pair it up with recommended choices on wedding bands. It will also show you the approximate cost of the ring your choosing. I am soooooo screwed.

I picked out a ring...to the tune of $47, 500 USD. This does not include the wedding band. Nor the groom.

Having recently been asked to move across the province by a gentleman in a joking conversation, I quickly quipped back, not unless I am heavily bribed by a little blue box, with a white ribbon, stamped Tiffany and Co.

Now I totally know that I should be realistic, and I am well aware that I will more than likely not ever get that particular ring, heck! I am not even dating anyone right now, but can a girl dare to dream it will happen?

Butterflies

It is hard for me to NOT be excited these days. Excited to get up in the morning (not as much as WestJet check in agents, but pretty darned close!), excited to go to work, excited to teach, excited to see people, excited to talk to people and excited for my phone to silently come to life by lighting up.

I take a look around and think that everything is working out the way it is supposed to, and I have had a silly grin on my face since Friday of last week...it seems almost permanent now.

I have had amazing hair days, the makeup goes on without smudging, the dog is behaving, I haven't dripped any unknown substance on my clothing during any meal, I haven't been wishing I could crawl back under the covers and hide...AND, I found a couch on sale this last Sunday, and when I checked the store today it was still there and I was able to have a friend help me get it home within 15 minutes of the purchase going through.

In short I have the general feeling as if I am going to Disneyland or Disney World the next day...and I have been feeling that with more and more intensity over the last few days. I have even planned a trip to get me even more out of my comfort zone, one that involves nature and 'roughing it'. Laptops and cell phones have been banned for 4 full days. AND I CANNOT WAIT FOR IT TO START!

Even with all this happiness that I am feeling, I take a hard look around. It is so easy for people to fall into a negative trap. Easier to be mad, than to try and work things out. Easier to give up, rather than see something through to the end. Easier to be bitter, rather than letting things go. Easier to let things stew, than talk with the person you are supposed to be in love with. It is enough to bring anyone down!

But I have something on my side...a fluttering in my stomach that I haven't felt in a long long time...something that is keeping this excitement going and helping it grow...butterflies.

There may be a unicorn in my midst.

The 'Lingo' Continued

The last time I wrote about 'getting the lingo down', I was newly back on the single and mingling circuit, and I seriously had no idea what the heck people were talking about. Well, I still don't, but I talked with just about everyone I know and this is what I have figured out so far:

1. Talking. It means just that. Apparently one can talk via a variety of mediums. In person, on the phone, text messages, skype, iChat, MSN (if people still use it!), Facebook, Twitter and MySpace. I have come to gather that the majority of these options available to us, to make conversation and 'connecting' that much easier, seriously impair our ability to meet face to face and have a REAL conversation. This gets back to my earlier theory about how we are a society of namby-pamby's. Sex can fit anywhere into the talking phase.

2. Seeing. According to my "highly successful in a relationship that he hates" younger brother (no JS, this is NOT that brother), the words 'I'm seeing someone' is one of the nicest let downs that one sex can give to another that you are not interested in. It is usually followed up with the phrase 'well, if it doesn't work out, let me know or give me a call'. Sex can fit into the seeing phase, regardless if you are really seeing someone or not.

3. Dating Part 1. In talking with both male and female friends, dating is a universal word tossed about like salad dressing. You can go on a date with just about anyone and not have it mean anything. Dating used to have a very serious connotation to it, something along the lines of 'going steady' or wearing his football jacket or something white picket fence like that. Unfortunately due to women's lib, we screwed this up and created "seeing". Fml. I still don't get it.

4. Dating Part 2. You have it on your Facebook that you are now a couple and everyone comments on how you are so perfect for each other, that they are so fake happy for you and congratulations. This is usually when I remove people from my news feed. This totally reminds me of those silly silly people that have that white stick figure family and pets on their vehicles. At this point, I usually have to wonder, what the heck happens if one of them dies? Who in their right mind would seriously sit there and scrape that crap off? I could go off all night on this topic alone. But at any rate, if your not getting some at this point, take a hard look around.

5. Relationship. Usually a committed agreement between you and the other party. No one is sleeping around (or shouldnt be!), Facebook relationship status is still intact, you have met the parents, friends, weird fringe family members, have seen the other super drunk and haven't laughed at them too much when they spoon the comfort station all night long and you have outlasted the random late night text messages from people the other party was previously 'seeing'. At this point, due to comfort, sex is around, but usually 2-3 times per week instead of the vigorous multiple times before leaving the house for work in the morning.

6. Sex between friends. This is a new concept to me. I talked with a few people about it. In theory, its two fairly decent friends that can muster up some attraction for one and other (sometimes, this is not all that hard to do), and help each other out in times of need. In practice this usually results in one side becoming attached and the other side freaking out. End of friendship. This is also referred to as 'f&ck buddies'.

I am hoping that my new arsenal of lingo can give me a boost up on the dating scene this time around, but in my research I came across more idiom's than I care to admit. So, I am going to smile and nod and fake it till I make it...and pretend like hell that I KNOW what I am talking about!

Perceptions

Part of my job is to constantly meet new people. I have a new class at least 3 times per week, with anywhere from 10-18 students each time. Thats approximately 54 new faces per week, and 216 per month. More if I teach on weekends. Within half a day I have already formed a perception about each of my students based on their behavior and what they present to me in class. For some students, its not the best perception.

I wonder if this would change if I met them somewhere else? Under different circumstances?

Then I wonder about some of the people I know. There are a few people that I have known of for years, chat with time to time, but never really crossed the hurdle into "real friend zone".

Lets take for example, 2 guys. One I have been on chatting terms with for just a little over 5 years now. The other, I am also on chatting terms with, but only recently.

The one that I have known for a while always has something raunchy to say..."oh you live alone, so I guess that means you can be as dirty as you want" ...I know he is not talking about me hiding dirty dishes in the dishwasher. When he said this to me, I commented on how hitting on me for the last number of years was going for him, and that I would ask if he was feeling okay if he stopped. My perception is that his comments are apart of his routine. Let's just say that he fired back pretty quickly that "I don't know him"...very true. I don't know him all that well, but I know what I see. And for the last 5 years, I see a player.

Is this true? No idea. But it is what is presented to me. And it is what my perception is formed around.

Now lets take guy number 2, the one that I have only known recently. This is the guy that I have been talking with via txt, and only txt. No calls. No emails. Very little FB interaction. Just txt. We're "friends" that never really talk, nor see each other. This is something that frustrates the hell out of me. I have a tendency to want to see my friends in the flesh. Talk to them from time to time on the phone. Do activities with. In a small way, I feel like this guy is like the imaginary friend I had when I was 4. There but not there. My perception of this guy is that he could care less or that he is playing some sort of an angel. Again, I do not know him all that well, but I base my perceptions on what I see.

I am pretty aware of how people can perceive me from time to time. Cold, unfeeling, stuck up, bitchy, to ridged, demanding, easily frustrated, strict, challenging and the list goes on from there.

I am on a constant pursuit of changing the perceptions I have of people, places and things. I want to think the best of each and every person I come across. But I am also realistic, in that sometimes no matter how hard you look, your perceptions may not change.

My sincere desire is that I be given the same chance to change the perception that sometimes people have of me. Cause when it comes down to it, perception is easily changed.

The Importance of Girls Night

It has been a fantastic May Long Weekend...jammed packed, but fantastic just the same.

After work on Friday I made the trek to Red Deer to see the family...my sudo little brother is deploying again to Afghanistan in t minus 2 weeks, and I have been wanting to spend as much time with him and the family as possible. I couldn't believe how many campers were on the road! I am sure that the economy is for sure picking up the slack based on the amount of money each one of those beasts cost.

Everyone had finished up eating dinner by the time Mr Ari and I arrived...so I grabbed a plate, sat down at the table, poured a glass of wine and didn't leave the table until 7 hours and 9 bottles of wine later. I remember waking up the next morning and wondering why my face hurt so badly. The amount of laughing, joking and smiling the family and I did was unreal. It is like this the first night I stay, each and every time. And I love it!

Saturday afternoon, my sister, momma and I all went to Cross Iron Mills...this most fabulous outlet shopping center next to the ones in Vegas. Lets just say that we did a massive amount of damage on that place. Thank goodness we brought the mini van, I had serious doubts that we were going to get everything back to the house! One thing that I did notice while walking around, was that I was one of the few that were a) not partnered up and b) toting around a new born. I focused on the shopping and did my best to not let silly little things like this get to me.

Sunday morning, I started and finished the Red Deer Half Marathon. It was not my best race time by any means for this distance...I felt unfocused, scattered and sluggish. I honestly didn't really start racing until I hit the 17km mark, and by that time I figured that I only had 5kms left, better get er done. My Red Deer family was waiting at the finish line for me when I got in. My nephew gave me a hug right away and said that I didn't smell all that bad, god love him. I went right back to the house after the race, piled all the stuff in the car and started the somewhat speedy ride back to Edmonton...I had a SHAG (shower stagette combo) party to attend.

I remember standing at a table later that night, in Hudsons on Whyte with 10 other ladies, in sparkles, beads, mini tiaras and sequins, thinking, "what the f*ck have I gotten myself into? Am I THAT crazy that I would WILLINGLY join the ranks of single and desperate again?"

Scanning the crowd there was an interesting mix of feelings and impulses that were pretty hard to disregard. Hope, disillusionment, faked happiness, genuine happiness, lust, ill intentions, malice, anger, envy, jealousy - basically the whole spectrum of feelings, but the biggest one was lonely.

One of the girls leaned over and started asking if I was alright, and if I wanted to get out there and meet Mr Right...either a forever right or a right now kinda right. I explained that I was hunky-dory, she rolled her eyes and gave me one of those looks that your mom gives you when you she knows your fibbing but won't say anything about it.

As I was one of the sober drivers for the evening, I packed as many up as I could into the car before the ugly lights came on...cause lets face it, nothing good happens after 2 am. But on the drive home, I was asked the same question again, was I alright?

My answer was this: "I need to relearn on how to be alone without being lonely. Once I get that down, then I will be in a place to move towards a relationship."

This concept of being alone and not being lonely was something that a girlfriend explained to me years ago, the last time I was single. If you can be comfortable with just being in your own head and your own entertainment, than you have crossed the largest blockage of being unattached.

My girlfriends have become so very important to me. I bounce ideas off them, take polls, go shopping with, drink and eat with, txt, but most importantly I smile and laugh like crazy with them. I am starting to see myself through their eyes, and honestly, it is fantastic! Because of them, I am well on my way to being alone, but not lonely. This is why girls night/day/afternoon is so important.

Hill to Die Upon

I have always been a passionate person, and I take social issues from around the world and right here at home, fairly seriously.

The last 4 or so years, my project was in helping military families, specifically those that do not have children. I sat on the Board of Directors for the Edmonton Garrison Military Family Resource Centre for 3 years, and I stuck my noise in the Unit Family Cell business for about a year too. I wanted desperately to change things to make it easier for the families without kids...to empower them, so they wouldn't have to rely on the big machine of the military. At the end of my last relationship, I had to step down and completely away from all of that. The Board has a by-law that states you have to be a military spouse of some sort in order to serve them. Rightfully so, I mean I wouldn't want someone from the general public trying to tell a deployed spouse that there isn't a need to worry. Crazy talk!

This week I received an email from a close friend, letting me know that I am not really welcome to stay at the his house for a race that I have coming up in about a week and a half or so. The email was sent to me on facebook of all things. The rational was half in the right, half in the wrong. My friend is moving to a different city, and is worried that he wouldn't be able to be a good host. Fair enough. The second reason I was seriously like "are you expletive delete kidding me?" ...my friend is in a very new relationship, and does not think it would be fair to the lady he is seeing if he has a friend stay over that he is attracted to. After I stopped laughing I replied back saying, yeah a phone call would have been a better way to tell me lol. But good luck with your move and congrats on the new relationship.

The friend wound up calling me fairly quickly after getting my reply. He wanted to make sure that I am doing okay and that I really understood. I smiled and ate my words.

How can you tell someone or something that this is not the hill your going to die on? That it is not worth your time saying, your being foolish? I am of the firm mind that when people make a decision, they need to fully deal with it.

I have no idea what my next big thing or hill to climb will be...so...anyone up for a unicorn hunt?

Accessories of All Kinds

As my last two posts have been fairly emotional, I decided to lighten the mood somewhat in my musings over the day.

When attending the Instructor Conference Banquet Saturday night, it had a Mardi Gras theme to it. Which meant not only finding the perfect outfit, but MAKING the outfit perfect with well placed accessories. I managed to pull off a very simple black shruggish no sleeve shirt, with dark grey short shorts and heels...but what made the outfit was this amazing bird like bracelet that looked like a little colorful tiara sitting on my arm and matching earrings.

Usually I tend to keep my accessories at a minimum...not plane jane, but classic looking items that I can wear with just about anything.

As women, we have more clothing options than men do...some of our accessories can include but are not limited to: shoes, belts, bags, hats, earrings, necklaces, anklets, rings, bracelets, cuffs, scarves, clutches, oh did I mention shoes?

But one thing is missing from a woman's "approved" list of accessories - arm candy.

Would it be wrong to think of a man like an accessory? Or to pick them out like one too?

Oooh! This one is into medical stuff and knows which fork to use, so he comes to all my work functions and can take care of me when I am sick. This one is a Type A Personality and is able to take bawdy language and can drink like the best of them, so he goes to military events. This one is somewhat sensitive, so I can totally take him to girly movies, bawl my eyes out and he will know how to comfort me. This one is into sporting events, so he comes to races and pro games. This one is amazing with animals, so he can tag along with Mr Ari and I to the dog park.

If you could package all that up into one man, he would be as mythical as a unicorn.

I am determined to find my own personal unicorn, but until that happens, I may need a few accessories. *le sigh*

Promises Made and Promises Kept

Phew! Today has been a day, and it is barely half over. I ran as the Pace Zebra for the RunWild Half Marathon this morning, and not only did I keep the 2 hour and 15 minute completion time, I set myself a new PB (personal best)!

I started running just over 2 years ago...The sad part about me starting to run was that I wasn't doing it for myself, I started because my former bf's sister called me a fat cow the first time I met her. Real positive I know.

In under 2 years I have raced 9 5km, 5 10km, 3 Half Marathons and 1 Full Marathon...ever kilometer earned, never given...it is something that I am immensely proud of.

During the race this morning, I started thinking fairly clearly about the promises that I have made, both kept and broken. It started with keeping myself motivated in saying, 'I promised MT, that I would pace this race out at 2 hours and 15 minutes'. About 10 people picked me out of the crowd (really wasnt all that hard, I was dressed in black and white, had Zebra ears and a tail, plus a sign) and decided that they wanted to finish with me. I did my best to not allow the pressure of the promise I made to MT weigh me down mentally.

I have made other promises in the past that haven't been as successful as this mornings one. Things like I promise not to tell anyone when I was 6, I promise we will get together soon and have coffee/drinks to catch up, I promise not to eat the left overs in the fridge, I promise that I will clean the house, I promise that I will attend your candle party, I promise to not date the douche bag with neck tattoos and a soul patch, I promise to marry you...I promise, I promise, I promise.

It is no wonder that people have trust issues with others...all these broken promises along the way, how can one cope with out the aid of medication and a pricey therapist?

For the rest of this year I am not making anymore promises to anyone, aside from this one. And its to myself.

I promise to be myself at all times, to laugh, love, to seek out adventure EVERY DAY, to be honest with everyone including myself and to have fun with even the small stuff.

What are you going to promise yourself?

Human Since 1981, Promise.

I sit here in my living room all dolled up for the conference banquet that I am supposed to attend in about 20 minutes...it has a Mardi Gras theme, which is awesome because I am hoping it will be colorful.

Our keynote speaker this morning talked about "Who are YOU, and What do YOU want?"...we were supposed to ask this question to the person beside us three times. Each time it was asked, every single person answered differently. But I have been thinking about it all day.

Who am I and What do I want?

This simple question got me thinking about wants vs needs, and how everyone and their dog provides input from time to time in a persons life. After a breakup is usually easiest for another to weigh in or what I like to call, rubberneck.

I think that I have heard everything under the sun over the last few months about what I need. Its too the point that I cut people short, so I don't have to listen, and I change the subject. Or if I can't cut them off at the pass, I stand there and smiling vapidly, and nod, appearing totally engrossed in their profound advice.

This is a selection of what people think I need:
- to be by myself and figure things out...meaning no dates for at least half the time I was in the relationship for. Which is a stupid long time to not have contact with the opposite sex thank you very much.
- to be surrounded by friends
- to talk with a priest and turn to god
- to run more, 'never a better time to start looking to qualifying for Boston'
- to do crazy things, like skydiving (which actually sounds like fun!)
- to drink
- to go out and find a one night stand, just to get back on the horse
- to find a 'nice' boyfriend
- to start batting for the other team

I'll give you some hints as to what I NEED:
- a couch to sit on
- a steam cleaner, cause I now have white carpets
- a microwave
- more booze in the wine rack
- time with friends old and new
- and a break

But more importantly, for people to remember that I have been human since 1981, and that they need not tip toe around me. I have mild OCD, that I am sure of. One of the things I fixate on is decisions. Trust me when I say that I weighed all the options, that I really did. I very rarely make snap decisions, even in my recent 'wing it' mood. So,

Who am I?
Human Since 1981, Promise

What Do I Want?
Love, connection, friends, passion and adventure.

The 'Week Day' Girl - Are You Kidding Me?

A number of weeks ago I was asked to dinner by a gentleman that I met at a local sporting event. In my usual 'winging it' style, I was totally game. The worst that could happen is that I would wind up paying for my own dinner...something that I always plan on just in case everything heads south.

The dinner was nice, but nothing fancy. A home cooked BBQ chicken and shrimp, salad and my fav dessert, cheesecake from Vi's for Pies. A good start.

Being a first date of sorts, we went through the various 20 questions or so that people ask in order to assess if this person on the other side of the table is worth a second date. I even went so far as to ask him about what his take on the "Lingo" was, which prompted an entertaining response.

Turns out that he has been seeing a lovely lady (his words) for the last 6 or so months. He is not entirely sure if she is the one, based on the sheer fact that she has 2 young kids. Because of the schedule that she has with the kids, he can only see her on weekends, which from what he told me, makes him kinda lonely on the week days. I nearly choking on my too sweet white wine laughing.

I've heard of a guy having an 'amante' (mistress)...but during the week days?

As I was sitting there finishing my cheesecake, he explained that he has told this lovely lady that he is going to actively pursue other women during the week, while she is busy. He then made the biggest mistake he could have - he asked for my opinion.

I explained that I was newly back on the single and mingling circuit, and that because I wanted to get it right this time, Karma was the last person I wanted to piss off. I clarified this comment in saying that 6 months is a long time be seeing someone and I think that puts him into the relationship category...this is doubly compounded in the sheer fact she has children that he has also formed a relationship with. I calmly stated that he should face facts, stop skirt chasing and realize that there are 4 people in his relationship - not just one.

Lets just say that shortly after that I was kinda shown the door, much to my delight. On my drive home though, I couldn't help but cross my fingers that I didn't have 'sucker' tattooed across my forehead...too bad he did, cause I am much more fun on the weekends.

Routine...Do We Really Need One?

The weekend I moved into my new place, I had the opportunity to judge the First Aid competitions with the company that I work for...have to say that I was really pumped, as I heard that it was going to be fairly competitive.

I was assigned a casualty that had Asthma....not that bad of a thing, but in the situation presented to the teams, she had been a witness to the car accident with the bulk of the casualties and had been nearly missed being smoked by one of the cars. She had her ventolin with her, and if the first aiders read the medication label like they were supposed to, they would have seen that it was expired...Cause NO ONE EVER carries around expired inhalers.

At any rate, every single team nearly killed the casualty that I was assigned. I had to judge on how well the team handled my particular casualty and then meet with other judges to figure out a team score.

There was a team from Ft Mac...Syncrude. There was a cute guy. After the competition he asked me out for a drink. Being the logical minded gal that I am, I accepted. Whats a free drink anyway?

It was an interesting drink. Turns out that this guy has been working for Syncrude for the last 4-5 years and was really liking the 'routine' that he feels he is finally settling into. After about an hour of talking to him I quickly determined that I was not as interested as I thought at first, nice guy, but really not the one for me.

As I was saying my goodbyes, nice to meet cha's and thanks for the drink, he asked quickly if he would see me next year. My reply was 'not sure'. 'You don't have a routine?' he asks...My answer shocked even me 'No, I don't know where I will be in a year from now let alone next week, so if I am around, I will see you next year'. I was promptly told that I was a sad individual for not having routine in my life.

The way that I have been looking at things lately is that routine equals safety, regulated, predictable and boring. Not having a routine does most certainly come with it's own set of worries and stresses, but also so much adventure. Every day is a new and exciting.

So I ask, do we really need a routine? Or is winging it equal to being a routine?

The Lack of Internet is Really Cramping My Style....Ugh.

I moved. Internet was supposed to move with me. Good grief, this has turned into a complete nightmare...Customer Service Reps saying on record that they do not have to do a follow up call to let you know whats going on...no compensation being offered either...ugh. One giant HOT MESS.

Once the new internet has been hooked up, I will post all the blogs that I have been keeping in a word document - not something that I enjoy.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that this all gets sorted out before the weekend...the lack of internet is really really cramping my style.

Perfect Storm = One Hot Mess??

In thinking about what has happened over the last 2 months and the ramifications that have come along with each decision, I wonder if in creating the perfect storm I have actually equated things into a giant hot mess...

1. Promoted at work to Lead Instructor.
PLUS SIDE: This means my schedule is Monday to Friday, instead of all over the place, and I never have to leave the building to teach unless there is a dire need or I would like to. I also now have underground heated parking, a key to the building and my own dedicated classroom.
DOWN SIDE: the other instructors, especially those that have been there a while really REALLY dislike me now. I have had my car vandalized (hence the underground parking), been called names, had rumors start about me (most of them are seriously laughable though) and most recently have been verbally attacked in my classroom in front of an instructor that I have been training - that happened today so I had to throw that in.
OVERALL: I love my job. I can deal with this high school drama by ignoring it. And by filing properly filled out complaint forms.

2. A day after I was promoted, I ended the 4 year relationship that I had been participating in.
PLUS SIDE: I smile more. I am more relaxed. I have more patience. And I laugh more easily.
DOWN SIDE: Aside from the stress of trying to find a new place, there really isn't one. My ex and I became better friends than lovers, due to his unpredictable work schedule.
OVERALL: I have to move. 'Nuff said.

3. I pick up the keys to my new place tomorrow afternoon.
PLUS SIDE: New suite. New paint. New carpet. New kitchen appliances. New bathroom. New lights. Bigger yard for Mr. Ari. A massive deck in the backyard. Cute from afar upstairs neighbours.
DOWN SIDE: My current residence looks like Baghdad. Half packed boxes. Missing shoes (which had better sort it's self out soon, cause missing shoes is just not right). Dishes all over the place. Clothing overflowing from suitcases, that should be used for traveling, not packing from one end of downtown to another. Did I mention that my current residence looks like Baghdad?
OVERALL: I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED!

With each 3 of these things, I look around and think that my life has become one giant hot mess/perfect storm. I should be freaking out right now. My friend MC commented last weekend that I shouldn't want to have another major thing dropped on me, in which my response was "bring it, cause what do I have to lose". I have been ridiculously calm about everything...rolling with punches...going with the flow...and everything has been working out in my favor.

Hot mess/perfect storm be damned. I am so excited for what is yet to come, that I feel like I should be going to Disney Land or World tomorrow morning. And I just might...after I get the new keys.

The Right to be Bummed Out

This last Easter long weekend I decided that I was starting to go a little stir crazy here in big ol E Town...so I kenneled Mr Ari and headed off down south to somewhat warmer climates aka. Calgary. A friend of mine that I have known for 10 years relocated there a number of years ago and we recently reconnected.

I had a fantastic time. Did a little shopping. Took in a movie. A trip to the gym. Met up with some of MC's friends. But more importantly I relaxed and focused on getting back to centre, which kinda meant that I spent a great deal of time in my own head that weekend. I apologized to MC about this about two thirds of the way through the weekend, to which the response was "No that's totally cool. I enjoy the fact that you can be silent and not try to force conversation". BIG sigh of relief there.

The weekend ended and I had to return to reality...not that big of a deal, I left with the semi formed plan that I would head south again next month, primarily to run a half marathon race, but also to visit again.

Then a bomb of good news drops on my phone this morning...a text letting me know that MC was given a substantial promotion, which is awesome, but it also comes with a relocation to the coastal climate of Vancouver by the June/July time frame.

Vancouver is only a 40-60 minute flight from Edmonton...so not that far, but far enough.

I am so very excited for MC. This is a fantastic opportunity, both professionally and personally too. I love it to no end when my friends succeed in life, whether it keeps them close to where I am or if it takes them to other regions.

I cannot help but think in the end though, do I really have the right to be bummed out by this awesome news?

The Most Fantastic Man in My Life

Today was a fantastic day all around...one of my besties was accepted back into the spring semester and had 6 of her classes rolled over into her new program, and I was given the green light to pick up the keys of my new place the last weekend of this month.

The reason why this particular place is so awesome beyond words, everything in the suite is new...new doors, new appliances, new carpet, new paint, new walls, new kitchen, my own washer and dryer that I do not have to share, massive bedroom, 2 walk in closets, but more importantly it is Ari friendly.

Ari is my black and tan floppy eared Doberman, that will be 2 years old this August. How I came to own him is pretty simple - my ex live in boyfriend is in the military and was about to embark on a 3rd tour to Afghanistan...if he wanted to go, I got a dog. We hunted down a breeder and found Ari.

Its funny...cause when the ex and I ended the relationship, the first thing I claimed was the dog lol. Not furniture, nothing co-owned, it was all about keeping Ari.

He had been and continues to be my little guardian...keep in mind that this is the closest thing I will ever get to having children. He gives the best puppy hugs, does high fives, shakes a paw and protects me when I am on my runs downtown. He basically keeps me sane.

So when the time came for the two of us to move, I frantically searched all over town for something that would be suitable for the both of us. I was crippled with fear that I might have to give him up to a new family if I couldn't find a place...so much so that I would start bawling even thinking about it as a possibility. My puppy class instructor commented on how it wouldn't be possible for him to go to another home...she said that the two of us are so bonded that he wouldn't okay if we were separated. If the dog wasn't going to be okay, I did not have a whole lot of hope for myself lol.

So today is a great day. I get to keep my little "family" together.