Moments of Greatness

If you have red hair, people expect you to have a certain type of energy, especially when it comes to the temper department...brunettes really do get the short end of the stick in my mind. Expected to be fairly smart, reasonable/realistic, logical, practical, sometimes called mousey, respectful, grounded ect, ect, ect. But when your a blond, people really do not expect a lot out of you. They expect you to be Barbie-ish, flippant, unintelligent, halfwitted, scatterbrained, insane (look out for the crazy blond!), great arm candy (don't worry hunny, at least your pretty!) and so on and so on.

I am a natural blond, really. I do add highlights to get it to the color it is now, but seriously I am a natural blond (dirty blond some may call the color). As a blond I really do have more fun. Mostly with being able to pull off what I like to refer to as "Moments of Greatness"...things that other hair colors would face the Spanish Inquisition for. One such event happened yesterday when I was teaching my weekend 3 day class.

I teach First Aid...and as such I have to be able to not only stand for long periods of time lecturing, but also be able to deal with the up and down motions of getting to the practical area, and demonstrating. A number of months ago I determined that it would be in my best interests to invest in jeggings. These pants would give me the look of jeans, but with the fluidity of LuLu pants.

Yesterday, as I was bending down to inspect knots my students did while splinting a simulated lower leg fracture, a Moment of Greatness seized me...the crotch of my beloved jeggings blew right out. POOF! Yes, it totally did make that sound. I froze, complete with a deer in the head lights look plastered all over my face. My coo-ca was now free for the world to see, tenuously covered in the brand new VS undies I had gotten on sale the day before (thanks AD for the heads up on the sale btw). The students started to howl in laughter, and one of them went so far as to start cracking fat jokes. Seriously? FML.

When the students were writing their quiz at the end of the day, I was sitting at the instructors table, thinking: Was this really the worst moment of greatness that I had managed to accomplish? The answer was a big fat NO.

So here are a few of my favorite Moments of Greatness that I have achieved to date:

- getting hit by the Prime Ministers black SUV. Yep. Totally happened. I was in Ottawa a number of years ago working with the NAIT Students Association and I was there to lobby MP's, Senators and staffers alike on Apprenticeship Student Issues. I was touring parliamentary grounds, specifically the library. I looked at my watch, realized that I was going to be late for a meeting, I did not have my briefing notes with me and would have to go back to the hotel and rush back. This lead me to ask the tour guide for the quickest way out, which was out the backside of the library. I was running, in heels, not paying attention, but on the sidewalk and WHAM! The front passenger door swings open, out pops this huge body guard, and I am flat on my ass, winded. Stephen Harper climbs out of the back passenger side, waves and walks into the back library door that I had just ran out of. No one helped me up, it was super fantastic. Especially when I had a meeting with PMO staffers the next day and was recognized.

- walking into walls on more than one occasion. I was on the phone with my younger brother and putzing around my condo a few years back...not paying attention again, and thud! walked right into the end of the hallway wall. Funny thing about this? My brother commented on how I should be looking where I am going when walking around...this must happen to me TOO often, cause remember, I was on the phone with him.

- having an ex bf that is now a city cop, pull you over for speeding. This is mortifying enough, also a technical conflict of interest (I personally love this loop hole!), but the best part of this, I was half naked. Late for a date, I decided that stripping down in the car while driving would be in my best interest. I even had to change into a strapless bra, which is what I was doing when the lights came on in the rear view. "Hi Sean, how are you? Uniform looks great btw" "Do I want to know?" "Probably not...but how much over was I?" "10km. Where were you headed?" "Sweet, not as much as I thought then. Umm...date night?" ticket book flips shut "Finish getting dressed. Don't speed. Have a good night. Good Luck"

There are plenty of others: I have locked my students in a classroom before, with me in the hallway, I have been so off on my gaydar, that I have hit on gay men (note the pluralization here...this also has happened more than once) and sometimes when running, the natural gas builds up so much that when it comes out the bottom half, I sound like a machine gun when passing people (my running partner HT, laughed at this every time).

Performing moments of greatness is just apart of being human I suppose. Over the years I have learned to tough it out, roll with it and laugh. I mean, I'm a blond. I am expected to embarrass the hell out of myself on a routine basis, right?