Last night was December 23rd. Exactly one day before Santa and the Reindeer storm the chimneys around the world much like the Allies did on the beaches of Normandy (minus the loss of life).
The reason why last night was significant, was that I set up a date for drinks at a lounge downtown. The gentleman that I was meeting up with, was introduced to me by friends a number of years ago (when I wasn't single) and I had recently reconnected with him. In describing him to my gf's he was classified as the 'non starter'. Meaning, we had formulated a number of different engagements, but scheduling on either side jumbled up the plans and we simply were not able to connect.
At the time, I was excited with regards to making a Friday night drink date, but then when I was putting it into my calendar I realized how close to Christmas this was going to be. And this got me thinking.
In order to be successful in dating, it boils down to meeting as many people of the opposite sex as possible as to increase the law of averages or your odds so to speak. This may mean broadening your scope to include things that would have counted a potential mate out previously (ie: he has kids, has been married before or both!).
Through talking with friends this week, a number of them agreed on a few points:
- join an organized group activity to meet new people. Having done this before when I started going to yoga, the idea behind this is to ensure that you have something in common to talk to the person about if you 'randomly' run into them outside of the organized setting. Being mindful that you should ensure that this organized group encourages talking amongst its participants.
- current and historical statistics indicate that if you meet a potential mate through friends, you are 80% more likely to marry that person. We have all heard stories about people meeting through a mutual friend, and during the wedding reception they thank that individual for throwing the party ect ect. But this could have a negative impact as well: what if you do not have that many friends you would trust to set you up? And then what happens when you burn through all of the recommendations from your friends?
- Christmas is actually one of the perfect times to start dating someone new. So long as you do not have expectations of uber romance. The reason for this, is that this time of year is stressful. Seriously stressful. Both at work and at home for a large majority of people. I for one would really like to see how someone handles their life stresses, and this would allow me to do so. For guys, this also allows them to see the will power of the female they are interested in...meaning does she stick to her low carb diet during the holidays.
- for your first and/or subsequent second date, ensure that it is something interactive to encourage communication flow. This will verify if you have something in common with the other person. It also helps to weed out the less than stellar options fairly quickly. I have come to learn that when a guy tells me "I am not looking to score, and that I am a nice guy that can let things happen...", that is my cue to run for the the highest hill and dig in.
At the end of the day, dating is very much a numbers game. And just like in Vegas, your betting against the house. But just like Vegas, when you win, you win big.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Asking Santa
The holidays are not the best time of year for me.
When I broke it off with my ex, I had a string of lack luster holidays culminating with no gifts exchanged, no family, no friends, no merry making, no mistle toe, no tree, no decorations, no National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, no stalkings hung with care, nothing, nada, zip. I could not stand NOT celebrating the holidays anymore. I also promised myself last year that things would be different.
Remarkably, I am still facing the same type of Christmas this year, just single. I would liken this as if I was looking down the loaded barrels of a double gauge shot gun. And I am kicking myself for allowing this to happen for the 5th season in a row.
I have had offers of movie watching, holiday shopping, being someones very last minute date to their company Christmas Party, going to yoga, coffee, ect from friends that do not want me to be alone leading up to the holidays. I sincerely appreciated all of these gestures. I have even had a friend offer to make me home made egg nog, the kind with brandy opposed to rum. "Can't drink too much of it now, not only will it knock you on your as*, but the brandy will put you to sleep" "ummm, why would I want either to happen?" "cause you'll be too drunk and tired to tie the noose!"
I am slightly concerned that some of my friends think that I might actually teeter over the edge before the holidays hit...the days leading up to it are fine for me. Its when everyone else is occupied with activities that have loved ones and family on that singular day that I hate being both alone and that 'orphan' friend that everyone feels the need to have at their celebrations. I do not know what I find more embarrassing, sitting at home doing nothing, or hitching myself to someone elses family for the day.
In having a conversation with a close friend today, the topic of hope came up a few times. My friend beat around the bush and then outright asked if I was loosing hope. I mentioned that I had most definitely toyed with the idea. Being a single girl during the holidays, its tough. If you are not already paired up with someone, its one of the most awkward time of year to try to start something new. There is so much pressure involved I find.
About mid conversation with this friend I started to cry. For those that know me, this is something that I have never found useful and it is something that I rarely do.
I had started to cry when thinking about what I would ask Santa for this year. My response was this: one hour of time with the person I am supposed to end up with. I could meet them, hug them, talk with them. With that one hour of time, I could see for myself that I am working towards something. That I will end up with the person of my dreams in the end. That one hour of time would give me the hope to survive however long it takes being single, to be reunited with that person. I could buckle down and weather the storm so to speak.
I know that this would be a Christmas miracle, and more than likely won't happen. But then again, Santa does delivery toys to all children around the world in one night...so may be.
When I broke it off with my ex, I had a string of lack luster holidays culminating with no gifts exchanged, no family, no friends, no merry making, no mistle toe, no tree, no decorations, no National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, no stalkings hung with care, nothing, nada, zip. I could not stand NOT celebrating the holidays anymore. I also promised myself last year that things would be different.
Remarkably, I am still facing the same type of Christmas this year, just single. I would liken this as if I was looking down the loaded barrels of a double gauge shot gun. And I am kicking myself for allowing this to happen for the 5th season in a row.
I have had offers of movie watching, holiday shopping, being someones very last minute date to their company Christmas Party, going to yoga, coffee, ect from friends that do not want me to be alone leading up to the holidays. I sincerely appreciated all of these gestures. I have even had a friend offer to make me home made egg nog, the kind with brandy opposed to rum. "Can't drink too much of it now, not only will it knock you on your as*, but the brandy will put you to sleep" "ummm, why would I want either to happen?" "cause you'll be too drunk and tired to tie the noose!"
I am slightly concerned that some of my friends think that I might actually teeter over the edge before the holidays hit...the days leading up to it are fine for me. Its when everyone else is occupied with activities that have loved ones and family on that singular day that I hate being both alone and that 'orphan' friend that everyone feels the need to have at their celebrations. I do not know what I find more embarrassing, sitting at home doing nothing, or hitching myself to someone elses family for the day.
In having a conversation with a close friend today, the topic of hope came up a few times. My friend beat around the bush and then outright asked if I was loosing hope. I mentioned that I had most definitely toyed with the idea. Being a single girl during the holidays, its tough. If you are not already paired up with someone, its one of the most awkward time of year to try to start something new. There is so much pressure involved I find.
About mid conversation with this friend I started to cry. For those that know me, this is something that I have never found useful and it is something that I rarely do.
I had started to cry when thinking about what I would ask Santa for this year. My response was this: one hour of time with the person I am supposed to end up with. I could meet them, hug them, talk with them. With that one hour of time, I could see for myself that I am working towards something. That I will end up with the person of my dreams in the end. That one hour of time would give me the hope to survive however long it takes being single, to be reunited with that person. I could buckle down and weather the storm so to speak.
I know that this would be a Christmas miracle, and more than likely won't happen. But then again, Santa does delivery toys to all children around the world in one night...so may be.
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