Yesterday I had to take in my beloved Mac Book to the Genius Bar for some troubleshooting aka lifesaving first aid for my computer. I figured that the issue was either the battery, the charger or both. The lady at the Genius Bar was super chill, which helped me relax as I gingerly placed my 7 year old laptop down on the desk with all the care that I would a newborn.
I explained that the charger plug in wasn't connecting properly anymore, and the battery was not holding a charge. So she flips over my laptop, and pops the battery out to check the serial number on her little iPad program, what I was hoping for is that by some small miracle my battery was still under warranty..."Yeeeeepppppp your computer is definitely vintage, so because we don't manufacture parts for this model anymore, would you like to look at some of the new products we have available right now?" I would have loved to be in a position of "yeah, lets do it up and I will totally buy a brand new Mac Book right now with out issue", but fighting off that familiar crushing feeling that I usually get when it surrounds finances, I asked if there were other options. I left the store with my 7 year old laptop, a new charger, a converter and $80 closer to the poor house.
In the grand scheme of things, I have not ever been in a position where I have not had to budget heavily for things that I have wanted and needed. I moved out of my parents house not only being financially illiterate but also having this acute fear of anything financially related. I trusted what those people closest to me said, which resulted in me acquiring an even more unhealthy amount of fear of finances for a 20 year old and some debt.
Its been 12 years since then, and I have stubbornly chipped away at it a little bit at a time when I have been able. Because of the fear I associate with finances, I never did educate myself on what exactly was occurring. I also flat out refused to discuss anything related to finances with anyone. Call it embarrassment
Over the last few weeks, I have been facing up to the fact I suck at managing my finances, and how I can make little changes that will have huge impacts. I pulled my credit bureau's from both Equifax and Transunion. Ammex was a delight during this process...very supportive emotionally and if I started to become too overwhelmed, he ensured that there was a nice glass of Chianti close by and rid the house of fava beans and liver just as a precaution.
I made a half dozen phone calls to various companies, and sorted everything out. I made some tough decisions, the biggest of which was selling my beautiful zoom zoom Mazda Speed 3. Because of this, by the end of this week coming, I am officially debt free, and I have extra left for my previously unloved savings account.
I do not want any children I have in the future ever having to go through this gut wrenching turmoil that I have been in for the better part of 12 years. I fully plan on educating my kids on how to manage money and how it works for them or against them if they are not careful. I will tell them in detail how much easier my life could have been if I wasn't afraid.
I miss the Mazda already, but I have a sporty little VW Golf Diesel to cheer me up now. I can now afford my half of the wedding that Ammex and I are planning in Las Vegas for next April. I can work in a casual position still and not worry about covering expenses AND savings. I can go back to university to take a program that I have wanted to for a long time. When Ammex and I move next year, I will be able make a sizable contribution to the down payment and new furnishings.
I still have lots of work to do, and this will be ongoing for the rest of my life, but at the age of 32, I feel like I have reached legal age financially. Its the one oddity that feels amazing.
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