Zombie Survival Guide

Last night Ammex and I were able to secure tickets to the movie World War Z. I say secure because it had its highly anticipated opening was just this past Friday. We have become fairly keen on the AVX theater, as we are able to pick out our seats a head of time online when purchasing tickets, and thus, making it more flexible for our arrival time to the theater as our seats are assured.

When you live in a small town that is more than an hour east of Edmonton, travel time must be taken into consideration for everything that you do, beyond visiting the worlds largest Mallard duck, cause that's just down the block.

Now I am a huge fan of Max Brooks, owning both the book World War Z that the movie was a loosely based off of and the Zombie Survival Guide. The latter got me thinking: if they can publish a book on how to survive the zombie apocalypse, why have I not been able to find a survival guide for "small town Alberta"?

Here are a few tips (in no particular order) that I have complied in the last couple of months to ease my city living lifestyle into one of a small town:

1. Costco Membership: prior to moving out to the small town, I had managed to not step foot into a Costco store. My first trip in, I was so overwhelmed that I could barely eat the countless number of free samples. Having one of these memberships just simply saves you money. You do not run out of things as fast, which in turn means less grocery shopping trips. The only downside is, if your freezer is not organized, you may forget what you actually have stashed away.

2. A Large Capacity Wine Rack: when the power goes out during a summer storm and your sitting there with candles lit, time to bust out the wine. When the neighbors farm dog that runs loose every Tuesday night, roots through your garbage that you set outside for the next morning, time to bust out the wine. When the town postie refuses to give you your mail because she has a breakdown, time to bust out the wine. When the same postie sees a pay stub from the professional team that your associated with, and bends over backwards being nice, time to bust out the wine. When its rush hour on any day of the week and the streets are eerily silent, bust out that wine cause that's just creepy. I am fully realizing that people were not kidding when they say "Small towns drive you to drink"...I am now accepting suggestions for support group locations...or recommendations on new red wines to try.

3. Commuter Vehicle: when I moved out here I drove this incredibly sexy black on black Mazda Speed 3. It had 263 ponies under the hood (turbo engine zoom zoom!), 4 doors, a hatchback, 6 speed transmission, and Bose surround sound came standard. Problem: it took premium fuel. That was written in bold in the manual, and again on the flap that covered the fuel tank. With premium sitting around $1.25-$1.75 depending on where/when I filled up, and with traveling back and forth to Edmonton 6 days a week, I was putting 1000-1200 kms per week, filling up literally every second day. The Mazda had a 55L tank. With Ammex's quick thinking, and much much convincing on my part, I sold the Mazda and purchased a black on black, 6 speed manual transmission VW Golf...its 2 full feet shorter than the Mazda, still has a hatch, 3 years newer and takes diesel. I filled up today from basically empty to the tune of $55...and I will probably get 850-1000kms out of the tank before I have to fill up again...maybe more if I actually do the speed limit.

4. An "In" with the Local Police: I have this one covered in spades, problem is I live with him. I also receive driving lessons every time we go for date night and its my turn to drive. Don't get me wrong, I am fairly appreciative of Ammex's cautions...its all about saving me money and demerit points, but its enough to make me want to drive with a  extra long curly straw in a wine bottle...which apparently, according to Ammex, is "somewhat" illegal.

5. Understanding Friends: without this I honestly would be lost. I unfortunately cannot meet up at random times for coffee or Pho anymore...it all has to be preplanned. What usually happens is that I try to double or triple up on things that I need to do (like Costco or work) and then meet people for whatever we have planned. Most times I ask if its okay for me to bring Ammex along, cause being stuck in the small town as often as he is due to work, I fear for his socialization abilities...when he starts to get the look of being feral, I book a BBQ excursion for him at a friends house that has like minded dudes that he can talk with. My friends are so understanding, that some of them are actually coming out to visit me, now this means a sleepover, and its something that I haven't done since my pre teen years.

There are a few more things that I have learned in the last few months that helps to not only ease your transition from city living to one of a small town, but ensures you keep some sanity. Cause if your not careful, you can easily become a zombie living in a small town.