Holy man, it has been a while for my musings...people have been asking where the blog has disappeared to, and frankly I do not have a reasonable answer. I could say that it was because of a "lack of dating" on my part, but that is not entirely honest.
I was dating. And breaking a guideline I set for myself at the same time. I tried another long distance relationship. For the better part of August, September, October and a little bit of this month, I was off the market. And I had never felt so manic in my life as during that time frame.
Pulled in two directions: 1) being that the guy I was dating treated me like nothing else, I had no worries when he was around. I felt safe, loved and cherished. 2) he was never around, due to his residing just outside of Toronto, so I may of had those feelings described above, but they didn't occur all that often.
I mused with various friends on the pros and cons of dating this guy for weeks, and then decided that it would be a good idea to jump in with both feet anyway. *Insert roller coaster ride starting now*
Just after Thanksgiving, I gave up in a sense. I just couldn't bring myself to carry on with something that I knew wasn't working on my end - I just did not know how to say it. *insert alcohol consumption, an email and a long distance phone call here* Turns out that he kinda felt the same, and we parted ways.
DEEP BREATHS and sighs of relief.
So now that I am "out and about" once more, I am strictly keeping my focus on my own backyard so to speak. Meaning, same city dating. An amazing concept I know!
I am currently enthralled with the idea of calling someone up and saying "Hey, the movie we were talking about is playing tonight at 9, wanna go?" and "sure I'll pop over after work for dinner and movie watching"
My definition of "normal" has now changed. No longer will I plan weeks in advance on when I will see the person next, or have to budget strictly so I could fly half way across the country to see them, or even be stingy with my vacation time so I have time to spend with him when hes in town.
Normal now means that at the end of the day, I have to face a fear of really letting a person in to my life fully - instead of bits and pieces (which is easy to do when they do not live here!).
Holy man, this is going to be fun!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Respect the Grease
Growing up, my family did not have a lot to call their own. Needless to say, I learned quickly about the value of money. It was also drilled into me the value of a hard days work. My father always commented on how that "little bit of extra elbow grease can go a long way". Two lessons I have never forgotten about.
This last year and a half, that little bit of extra elbow grease has become key in my every day survival.
Its helped me endure my first ever 16 week marathon training course...and also saw me pull through the race its self. Upright and smiling at the end, and literally begging for more races. I am not a natural runner, this is something that over the last 3 years, I have had to work at each and every time I laced up my sneakers. I have had bad, bad runs, and I have had runs where afterwards I have a surreal feeling for hours or days.
I changed career paths, from one that saw me have a sizable yearly salary, benefits and vacation pay to one that was quite literally if you don't work, then you do not get paid type of deal. By putting in that little bit of extra elbow grease, I am now back in a salary position within the new career path, with benefits, sick days and vacation. I worked my tail off almost 7 days a week, for months, to get to this point.
And I had the privilege of being picked for the first ever pro dance team for a major sporting team in town. I hadn't a lick of dance experience prior to joining the team. During practices, because I did not understand the lingo they were using I felt lost. I practiced on the sidelines, away from the main group, for more than half the season. I left practices in tears also for more than half the season. Not because the people were unfriendly, quite the opposite. I was frustrated with myself for not being able to pick up the routines as quickly as I wanted to. In the end, with persistence, I made it through to the end of the year, and rejoined the team this year.
These three aspects of my life are huge. I have had to work extremely hard at each of them. I am not a natural runner, teacher or dancer. But I gave it that little bit of extra elbow grease in all three areas, and was able to come out on top, upright and smiling.
Because I have had to work so hard at each of these things, I tend to take things "slightly" personally when someone voices their opinion of my abilities in these areas. I fully realize that I am not a fast runner by any means, Boston isn't even an option for me at this time. Having to work every weekend for months, yes, sucks, but it paid out in the end. And yes, I get to pay for a ring to commemorate my being on the dance team, silly? may be, but I earned it.
Now please do not get me wrong, people that are naturally talented amaze me to no end. I love watching naturally talented runners, teachers and dancers...or people that are naturally talented in other areas, like Anderson Silva and other MMA fighters as an example.
But there comes a time when a naturally talented person, loses their luster in my eyes, when cockiness gets in the way. Just because your good at something, doesn't mean that you are to be held in a higher regard than everyone else. As far as I am concerned, you just canceled out your natural talent when you started acting like "the bomb".
I tend to give more credit to those who have had to put in that little bit of extra elbow grease over those that are naturally talented. Personal bias? Oh heck yes. Natural talent is too often squandered. When elbow grease comes into play, it is because that person really wants what they are working towards. They tend to be more invested or passionate about it.
In the end, you cannot deny someone respect that is due, when grease comes into play.
This last year and a half, that little bit of extra elbow grease has become key in my every day survival.
Its helped me endure my first ever 16 week marathon training course...and also saw me pull through the race its self. Upright and smiling at the end, and literally begging for more races. I am not a natural runner, this is something that over the last 3 years, I have had to work at each and every time I laced up my sneakers. I have had bad, bad runs, and I have had runs where afterwards I have a surreal feeling for hours or days.
I changed career paths, from one that saw me have a sizable yearly salary, benefits and vacation pay to one that was quite literally if you don't work, then you do not get paid type of deal. By putting in that little bit of extra elbow grease, I am now back in a salary position within the new career path, with benefits, sick days and vacation. I worked my tail off almost 7 days a week, for months, to get to this point.
And I had the privilege of being picked for the first ever pro dance team for a major sporting team in town. I hadn't a lick of dance experience prior to joining the team. During practices, because I did not understand the lingo they were using I felt lost. I practiced on the sidelines, away from the main group, for more than half the season. I left practices in tears also for more than half the season. Not because the people were unfriendly, quite the opposite. I was frustrated with myself for not being able to pick up the routines as quickly as I wanted to. In the end, with persistence, I made it through to the end of the year, and rejoined the team this year.
These three aspects of my life are huge. I have had to work extremely hard at each of them. I am not a natural runner, teacher or dancer. But I gave it that little bit of extra elbow grease in all three areas, and was able to come out on top, upright and smiling.
Because I have had to work so hard at each of these things, I tend to take things "slightly" personally when someone voices their opinion of my abilities in these areas. I fully realize that I am not a fast runner by any means, Boston isn't even an option for me at this time. Having to work every weekend for months, yes, sucks, but it paid out in the end. And yes, I get to pay for a ring to commemorate my being on the dance team, silly? may be, but I earned it.
Now please do not get me wrong, people that are naturally talented amaze me to no end. I love watching naturally talented runners, teachers and dancers...or people that are naturally talented in other areas, like Anderson Silva and other MMA fighters as an example.
But there comes a time when a naturally talented person, loses their luster in my eyes, when cockiness gets in the way. Just because your good at something, doesn't mean that you are to be held in a higher regard than everyone else. As far as I am concerned, you just canceled out your natural talent when you started acting like "the bomb".
I tend to give more credit to those who have had to put in that little bit of extra elbow grease over those that are naturally talented. Personal bias? Oh heck yes. Natural talent is too often squandered. When elbow grease comes into play, it is because that person really wants what they are working towards. They tend to be more invested or passionate about it.
In the end, you cannot deny someone respect that is due, when grease comes into play.
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